Home > Our Cancer Journey, Uncategorized > There are those moments….

There are those moments….

There are those moments.

I glance up from the computer screen to the calendar hanging on the office wall.

I reach to flip to the next month. The new year is passing us by.

A lump forms in my throat. Tears begin to well, but I fight them down.

Now is not the time nor the place. But the feeling remains.

As the year hastens on, I can’t help but feel like it’s hastening on to the death of my beloved.

I want time to stand still.

But it doesn’t.

There are those moments.

Picking out a Valentine’s card is supposed to be a joy.

Instead, I’m fighting for composure as I search for the perfect card.

A card that doesn’t brag on how many more years we’ll enjoy together.

A card that doesn’t brag on growing old together.

Valentine’s cards don’t say how much you’ll miss them.

Ten cards later I finally find it.

A card that simply tells him how much I love him.

A card that tells him how much he means to me.

I smile through the tears.

There are those moments.

Our eldest son is saying his goodbyes.

He’s heading off to basic training with the Air National Guard.

He’s mature and calm on the outside, but jumping up and down with excitement on the inside.

It’s a moment he’s been waiting for.  It’s his moment.

My husband hugs him good-bye. A poignant scene.

I can’t help but wonder if this is the last good-bye.

I wonder if  my husband will ever see his son again.

But this is not a moment for mourning for the what-ifs.

It is a moment for rejoicing for my son.

There are those moments.

Family day at the New York State Fair.

My husband and I are walking hand in hand through the noise, the sights, and the cheerful faces.

I’m smiling. Enjoying the day.

The chances of him being here with me next year are… .

I refuse to finish the thought.

Instead, I intertwine my hand more tightly with that of my husband’s.

I push the thought aside and concentrate on the here and now.

There are those moments.

And then the culmination of all those moments.

The visit when the doctor admits there is nothing else they can do and hospice is called in.

The sudden deterioration in my husband’s condition. A blood loss that can’t be compensated for.

Awaking to find that my husband’s frail body is now but a shell.

He has been  graduated to glory.

There are those moments.

I’m so thankful that God is in all those moments right there beside me.


I’m a mother of four great sons. I’m a widow who’s transitioning back into full-time missions to work with NTM’s Communications department. I’m also an author of three Christian suspense novels: BetrayedIdentity Revealed, and A Murder Unseen. (Available at: Amazon.com.) Greater than that, I am a child of God with a passion for God, my family, and writing! If you want to connect with me, join me on TwitterFacebookGoodreads, and Pinterest. Interested in updates by email? CLICK HERE!

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  1. January 3, 2014 at 6:59 am

    There are those moments….the love remains constant.
    xxx Huge Hugs xxx

    • January 3, 2014 at 7:00 am

      I’m sure you’ve had many such moments. I’m thankful for all the good times and memories. And yes, the love remains.

  2. Chris Cornell
    January 3, 2014 at 9:44 am

    Rosie you are an inspiration to us as wives to cherish the present with our husbands because none of us know when God will call them home. We will have missed some very special times because we weren’t living in the present and enjoying our times that we do have. May God continue to give you comfort, but I am thanking God for your inspiration to me to remind me again for my very loving husband that He has given me.

  3. Gayle Hesse, from Prince George, British Columbia, Canada.
    January 8, 2014 at 5:00 pm

    Rosie, I do not know you.

    I found your blog through a search on grammar (does one lay or lie an egg?).

    Once here, I read your very recent entry about your husband’s death.

    Please accept my very sincere condolences on your loss.

    Although the internet can be a scary and dangerous place, it can also bring people together across the miles.

    Best wishes as you move forward through your life’s journeys.

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